This is the writing of Mike Conway, Producer and Editor of SHOUT Magazine. It is a collection of published and unpublished works. Enjoy.

Perşembe, Kasım 17, 2005

How to Deal with Punk-Ass Metermaids in one easy letter...

dpt_street, Pic by Kirk Clyne

One thing I love about this job is getting the colorful letters from you, our readership. This one was particularly good (names were changed to protect the guilty):

To: Director of Fucking Over Citizens

From: Law Abiding Citizen

Dear Director Schmuckatelli,
It is truly a good thing that words can not always express emotions, because I am FURIOUS over the treatment, no, harassment I suffered from one of your meter minions today. On the corner of Larkin and O'Farrell, I was helping a friend jump-start and charge his car. This friend of my mine's car died across from a drug rehabilitation clinic which he religiously attends across the way on Geary. Once DPT got on scene, we explained our dilemma, that the car needed to charge to ensure he would get home in South City with no fuss. The official understood, but insisted we had to do this somewhere else. We respectfully obliged him and moved to the aforementioned corner.
Shortly thereafter, the very same official arrived and began writing ticket. I was a little perplexed, and asked him why. His response was, "because you and your friend got to do your," and this is his exact words, "DRUG THING right here so I 'm writing you a ticket." (Caps mine). That has to be the most pigheaded, ignorant, arrogant and insensitive thing I have heard from a city official EVER!
I will pay the ticket to the city. We were in a loading zone, the only space we could find, and we were in a known drug area. But go figure they put the rehab clinics there too. And go figure, the same official that we had only minutes before yielded to in all humility comes steaming and huffing at us because we made him get out of his Cushman in the rain, or what ever. This person had not one tactful bone in his demeanor. Then he had the NERVE to tell me my friends are fucked up and I need new ones.
What kind of outrage is that? Is the DPT teaming up with the police to wage a harassment policy on recovering addicts? Are you teaching your 'maids social intervention policy too now? If so, I got an intervention for him to attend: So you're a Meter Maid and an Asshole. We Can Help.
I seriously recommend you enroll this dude in some sort of sensitivity training before he mouths off to the wrong person. There are a lot of wrong people in the Tenderloin. But he needs to learn that there are good ones too, mostly, helping each other out in times of need that de-prioritize proper parking etiquette. That is not a grounds for punitive measures.

Bill O'Reily Promoted to Al Hayta Press Secretary


Check the SF Chronicle article

Thanks Bill, for motivating me to WEAR YOU FUCKING FACE into my punching bag. I got to buy another bag now because I put about 12 holes where your head should be. Right now, I hope you are on your rickety knees praying to whatever it is you pray to that SF don't get messed with now. Otherwise, think timeshare in the lovely Afghan mountains. Closer to your boss. YOU FUCK! If any of our 'Frisco children die because you went ahead as a forward observer for the enemy, IT IS ON. I got many dark alleys here picked out where I would LOVE to leave you BLEEDING and GAGGED, 'Frisco style with a gang of "sissies" queued up to do battle on your ass.

Maybe, as the Free Slightly Left People's Republic de San Francisco will follow the attack you are requesting with a little falsified documents about you keeping ladies underwear in your dresser, present it to the UN (which is here in SF, cunt), and do a little invasion of O'Reily's space. We are One Nation. You are a minion of lies.

Utterly and Sincerely,
Mike Conway,
SHOUT Magazine.

PS: Notice how Bush "assails" Iraq war critics, but Bill O'slimy's cum dumpster goes unchecked...